Shades Readers, this week we are so excited to feature our guest blogger, Uma Maharaj!  Uma shares her very personal reflection of her last year and excitement about taking new steps.  Her story will resonate for all of us.  Thank you, Umie!

Jan 1, 2020

As I start a new year, I’m somewhat filled with the same dread that had accompanied me for the past new years.  I recognize the feeling of excitement and hope but fear that the eventual disappointment will come as the drive fades inside me and I revert back to bad habits.
 
In 2019, I had career flops.  Much of what defined me in the past was how well I was doing professionally and my ego took major hits in the past few years as I felt that I was not doing work to my reach my potential, and that I wasn’t earning as much as I could.  This lowered my self-esteem so much.  And I found myself saying to my friends, “I’m looking for my next job, I’m still looking around.”  But every time I tried to look for a job, I’d be paralyzed, not thinking that anyone would hire me.  Yes, I’ve had interviews but what I discovered was that I didn’t have the drive to do all it took to find the right job.
 
2019 was not all a flop.  I focused on my health and fitness – things that I never thought I’d make progress.  I was able to drop 6 sizes in clothing.  I also decided to put myself out there and take some risks.  I started improv and I discovered that I actually love it.  It gets me out of my head – stops me from overthinking (which happens to be a flaw of mine).
 
I always lament that I don’t know what to do with my life and as a result, I don’t have dreams.  I guess what that says is that I don’t really know myself.  I’m buried under all the social conditioning.  Right now, I’d be ecstatic if any experience causes me to feel real joy and gives me a glimpse into what drives me.
 
So I’ll continue to do the things that manifest moments of joy and hope that I experience greater lengths of self-discovery.  One of the things I learnt in improv is that you should try to avoid being funny at the outset.  You just need to accept what your partner offers and advance the scene.  That is the goal.  And some of the best scenes are those that are built on accepting offers and they eventually turn out to be the funniest.  So I’m going to take action, accept the small creative ideas and make things better and this will eventually turn into a masterpiece.
 
I realized that making things better has always been a goal of mine.  I think it’s my brand.  Whether it’s making improvements at home or work (processes, systems, experiences), I love studying how things work and finding ways to improve (incremental or disruptive).  Someone once scoffed at this being my brand.  I was told “everyone wants to make things better”, but do they?  You don’t need great disruptive innovations to make things better, you just need to look for where things are stuck and try to improve the flow.  Advance the scene.  I used to feel such pressure on myself to become this great innovator.  But systems thinking shows you that very small changes at the right point creates such leverage and causes such big changes.  In taking small steps, changes happen and opportunities present themselves.  The key is to start.
 
I’m very grateful that I came across Mel Robbins 5 second rule.  It basically stops your mind from thinking of excuses and causes you to launch yourself (like a rocket) into taking action. Once a thought/action aligns with your goal, you need to take action and by counting down 5-4-3-2-1 and just doing it, it creates new positive habits of making small changes to lead you to achieving your big goals.  It’s the same in improv.  You are forced to get up and create something/start a scene and then the magic happens when you perform a scene that has the audience laughing so loudly.
 
Humble the poet says that “the opposite of success isn’t failure but inaction.”  Sometimes we feel that we need to have everything figured out before we can take any action.  This is not true.  It all starts with creating positive thoughts. Stop thinking about past failures. They just cripple you and waste your time.  They prevent you from creating positive thoughts. Start with – “I’m vital and alive. I’m powerful, strong and confident. I deserve the best and I claim it now. I will do what needs to be done to fulfill my deep potential.”
 
One saying that has deeply impacted me this year is “when your mind is not complaining and is responsible, courageous and confident, you become inexplicably beautiful.” (Sri Sri Ravi Shankar)  When you complain, you’re creating negative thoughts and it prevents you from forming positive ones.  Having a responsible mind for me means to make conscious decisions on what thoughts to dwell on – positive ones that advance your scene (help you reach your goals).  And it also means to dismiss negative thoughts. Being courageous is hard but for me.  It’s not to overthink but take action.  The 5 second rule helps.  5-4-3-2-1 and just do it!  What I know is that after taking some action, you feel better than before you started.  And by taking courageous actions over a period of time, you become more confident. If you fail, forget it and create more positive thoughts with the learnings you acquired.  And keep going.  Eventually, there will be a glow, radiance, positivity coming from you – you become inexplicably beautiful.  That is my goal!
 
Life is temporary, so I want to live and experience joy, in the moment, every moment. Being positive, taking action and dreaming bigger dreams are what I need to focus on.   I wish the same for everyone.