In our online book club meeting last Friday, we had an amazing discussion about The Law of Selectivity, which is a chapter in Van Moody’s book, The People Factor. The chapter focuses on being selective with our relationships and the friendships that we create or have in our lives. 

During the discussion, we talked about popularity versus selectivity.  While the latter is all about  ‘less is more’ and how important it is that we choose the right people to be in our lives, popularity is about being liked or admired by  many, despite who they may be or the characteristics they may have. 

Shades readers, popularity plays an important role in our lives.  Being popular or striving to be liked can help you sell an idea or a product, can help your company grow or can get a good cause or charitable effort additional support.  These are all good things. 

The issue with popularity is when you define yourself and your value based on being popular.  We covet and pursue being popular from early on – remember when you were a kid and not being invited to someone’s birthday party was a disappointment because it made you feel you weren’t liked?   How about how you may have felt in high school if you weren’t part of the in crowd?  We would argue that almost every classic teenage movie is about wanting to be popular and to not be an outsider.  Think about a few of them…The Breakfast Club, Heathers, Mean Girls…all centred around the angst of being accepted and liked. 

Today, social media plays a huge role in the pursuit of popularity.  We all love the thrill of seeing how many likes we get when we post something or how many online friends we have. Building your social media presence can also lead to a lucrative path as more and more influencers (people who have huge amounts of followers or friends – think about the Kardashian/Jenner crew) can make money by just mentioning a product or service.  There are many downsides to social media though.  Cyber bullying is a frightening reality and is made even worse because of social media’s capacity to spread the word or to have others join in. Social media can make a kid today feel a hundreds times worse than back in the day when you may have been taunted about something in the schoolyard, which lasted for 5 minutes.

We think the balance between being selective and being popular is about knowing what is real and what is not.  Being popular is often fleeting and based on factors that lack substance.  Having strong relationships with people who will lift you up – that is what we should all aim for. 

So Shades readers, we encourage you to do a few things as you move forward today.  Keep posting your wonderful memories but remember, your value is not tied in to how many likes you get.  Pick up a copy of The People Factor if you want to read more about how being selective with your relationships can be critical to a successful life and let us know if you want to join our book club! 

If you know of anyone who is being bullied, online or otherwise, please help them.   

Finally, keep reading our blogs and share your thoughts and opinions in the comments!